I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
