oh god the rape fog is back!
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize