She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
did you just send me my own nude
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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