is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
