if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
