cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
