I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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