It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
