I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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