can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
