Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
