Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
