waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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