He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
