I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
