Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
