In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
