bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Vodka?
Forever.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
