u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
