I'm going to jail i love you
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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