Having a random hookup so left but love u
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize