return my video game
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
