He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
