If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
