Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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