the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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