quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
