Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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