this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
