You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
