I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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