I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
