So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Randomize
