White coat. Heels.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
