i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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