not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
