i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
