the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
she pinky promised me she was 18
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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