Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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