Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
This beer is not sobering me up at all
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
