We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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