FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
