Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
