Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
