I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
You ate ashes out of my bong
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
