you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
