she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
