You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
