I wannas sexs uuuuu
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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