Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
