I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
