I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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