and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
