So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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