it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
