Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
