Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
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