Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
