We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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