just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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