Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
