About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Your cock deserves a montage
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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