If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
two words: eviction party
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Of course I have a pirate flag
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize