Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
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