Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
