You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
My life is pants optional.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
