kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
