They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
