Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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