I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
