he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
