What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
