george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
