i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
