her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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